一个家庭最大的悲哀，不是贫穷，不是争吵，而是……

发布时间：2021-07-04 08:06:18来源：树儿微刊

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WhenPaulJobswasmusteredoutoftheCoastGuardafterWorldWarII,hemadeawagerwithhiscrewmates.TheyhadarrivedinSanFrancisco,wheretheirshipwasdecommissioned,andPaulbetthathewouldfindhimselfawifewithintwoweeks.Hewasataut,tattooedenginemechanic,sixfeettall,withapassingresemblancetoJamesDean.Butitwasn’thislooksthatgothimadatewithClaraHagopian,asweet-humoreddaughterofArmenianimmigrants.Itwasthefactthatheandhisfriendshadacar,unlikethegroupshehadoriginallyplannedtogooutwiththatevening.Tendayslater,inMarch1946,PaulgotengagedtoClaraandwonhiswager.Itwouldturnouttobeahappymarriage,onethatlasteduntildeathpartedthemmorethanfortyyearslater.PaulReinholdJobshadbeenraisedonadairyfarminGermantown,Wisconsin.Eventhoughhisfatherwasanalcoholicandsometimesabusive,Paulendedupwithagentleandcalmdispositionunderhisleatheryexterior.Afterdroppingoutofhighschool,hewanderedthroughtheMidwestpickingupworkasamechanicuntil,atagenineteen,hejoinedtheCoastGuard,eventhoughhedidn’tknowhowtoswim.HewasdeployedontheUSSGeneralM.C.MeigsandspentmuchofthewarferryingtroopstoItalyforGeneralPatton.Histalentasamachinistandfiremanearnedhimcommendations,butheoccasionallyfoundhimselfinminortroubleandneverroseabovetherankofseaman.ClarawasborninNewJersey,whereherparentshadlandedafterfleeingtheTurksinArmenia,andtheymovedtotheMissionDistrictofSanFranciscowhenshewasachild.Shehadasecretthatsherarelymentionedtoanyone:Shehadbeenmarriedbefore,butherhusbandhadbeenkilledinthewar.SowhenshemetPaulJobsonthatfirstdate,shewasprimedtostartanewlife.Likemanywholivedthroughthewar,theyhadexperiencedenoughexcitementthat,whenitwasover,theydesiredsimplytosettledown,raiseafamily,andleadalesseventfullife.Theyhadlittlemoney,sotheymovedtoWisconsinandlivedwithPaul’sparentsforafewyears,thenheadedforIndiana,wherehegotajobasamachinistforInternationalHarvester.Hispassionwastinkeringwitholdcars,andhemademoneyinhissparetimebuying,restoring,andsellingthem.Eventuallyhequithisdayjobtobecomeafull-timeusedcarsalesman.Clara,however,lovedSanFrancisco,andin1952sheconvincedherhusbandtomovebackthere.TheygotanapartmentintheSunsetDistrictfacingthePacific,justsouthofGoldenGatePark,andhetookajobworkingforafinancecompanyasa“repoman,”pickingthelocksofcarswhoseownershadn’tpaidtheirloansandrepossessingthem.Healsobought,repaired,andsoldsomeofthecars,makingadecentenoughlivingintheprocess.Therewas,however,somethingmissingintheirlives.Theywantedchildren,butClarahadsufferedanectopicpregnancy,inwhichthefertilizedeggwasimplantedinafallopiantuberatherthantheuterus,andshehadbeenunabletohaveany.Soby1955,afternineyearsofmarriage,theywerelookingtoadoptachild.LikePaulJobs,JoanneSchieblewasfromaruralWisconsinfamilyofGermanheritage.Herfather,ArthurSchieble,hadimmigratedtotheoutskirtsofGreenBay,whereheandhiswifeownedaminkfarmanddabbledsuccessfullyinvariousotherbusinesses,includingrealestateandphotoengraving.Hewasverystrict,especiallyregardinghisdaughter’srelationships,andhehadstronglydisapprovedofherfirstlove,anartistwhowasnotaCatholic.ThusitwasnosurprisethathethreatenedtocutJoanneoffcompletelywhen,asagraduatestudentattheUniversityofWisconsin,shefellinlovewithAbdulfattah“John”Jandali,aMuslimteachingassistantfromSyria.JandaliwastheyoungestofninechildreninaprominentSyrianfamily.Hisfatherownedoilrefineriesandmultipleotherbusinesses,withlargeholdingsinDamascusandHoms,andatonepointprettymuchcontrolledthepriceofwheatintheregion.Hismother,helatersaid,wasa“traditionalMuslimwoman”whowasa“conservative,obedienthousewife.”LiketheSchieblefamily,theJandalisputapremiumoneducation.AbdulfattahwassenttoaJesuitboardingschool,eventhoughhewasMuslim,andhegotanundergraduatedegreeattheAmericanUniversityinBeirutbeforeenteringtheUniversityofWisconsintopursueadoctoraldegreeinpoliticalscience.Inthesummerof1954,JoannewentwithAbdulfattahtoSyria.TheyspenttwomonthsinHoms,whereshelearnedfromhisfamilytocookSyriandishes.WhentheyreturnedtoWisconsinshediscoveredthatshewaspregnant.Theywerebothtwenty-three,buttheydecidednottogetmarried.Herfatherwasdyingatthetime,andhehadthreatenedtodisownherifshewedAbdulfattah.NorwasabortionaneasyoptioninasmallCatholiccommunity.Soinearly1955,JoannetraveledtoSanFrancisco,whereshewastakenintothecareofakindlydoctorwhoshelteredunwedmothers,deliveredtheirbabies,andquietlyarrangedclosedadoptions.Joannehadonerequirement:Herchildmustbeadoptedbycollegegraduates.Sothedoctorarrangedforthebabytobeplacedwithalawyerandhiswife.Butwhenaboywasborn—onFebruary24,1955—thedesignatedcoupledecidedthattheywantedagirlandbackedout.Thusitwasthattheboybecamethesonnotofalawyerbutofahighschooldropoutwithapassionformechanicsandhissalt-of-the-earthwifewhowasworkingasabookkeeper.PaulandClaranamedtheirnewbabyStevenPaulJobs.WhenJoannefoundoutthatherbabyhadbeenplacedwithacouplewhohadnotevengraduatedfromhighschool,sherefusedtosigntheadoptionpapers.Thestandofflastedweeks,evenafterthebabyhadsettledintotheJobshousehold.EventuallyJoannerelented,withthestipulationthatthecouplepromise—indeedsignapledge—tofundasavingsaccounttopayfortheboy’scollegeeducation.TherewasanotherreasonthatJoannewasbalkyaboutsigningtheadoptionpapers.Herfatherwasabouttodie,andsheplannedtomarryJandalisoonafter.Sheheldouthope,shewouldlatertellfamilymembers,sometimestearingupatthememory,thatoncetheyweremarried,shecouldgettheirbabyboyback.ArthurSchieblediedinAugust1955,aftertheadoptionwasfinalized.JustafterChristmasthatyear,JoanneandAbdulfattahweremarriedinSt.PhiliptheApostleCatholicChurchinGreenBay.HegothisPhDininternationalpoliticsthenextyear,andthentheyhadanotherchild,agirlnamedMona.AftersheandJandalidivorcedin1962,Joanneembarkedonadreamyandperipateticlifethatherdaughter,whogrewuptobecometheacclaimednovelistMonaSimpson,wouldcaptureinherbookAnywherebutHere.BecauseSteve’sadoptionhadbeenclosed,itwouldbetwentyyearsbeforetheywouldallfindeachother.SteveJobsknewfromanearlyagethathewasadopted.“Myparentswereveryopenwithmeaboutthat,”herecalled.Hehadavividmemoryofsittingonthelawnofhishouse,whenhewassixorsevenyearsold,tellingthegirlwholivedacrossthestreet.“Sodoesthatmeanyourrealparentsdidn’twantyou?”thegirlasked.“Lightningboltswentoffinmyhead,”accordingtoJobs.“Irememberrunningintothehouse,crying.Andmyparentssaid,‘No,youhavetounderstand.’Theywereveryseriousandlookedmestraightintheeye.Theysaid,‘Wespecificallypickedyouout.’Bothofmyparentssaidthatandrepeateditslowlyforme.Andtheyputanemphasisoneverywordinthatsentence.”Abandoned.Chosen.Special.ThoseconceptsbecamepartofwhoJobswasandhowheregardedhimself.Hisclosestfriendsthinkthattheknowledgethathewasgivenupatbirthleftsomescars.“Ithinkhisdesireforcompletecontrolofwhateverhemakesderivesdirectlyfromhispersonalityandthefactthathewasabandonedatbirth,”saidonelongtimecolleague,DelYocam.“Hewantstocontrolhisenvironment,andheseestheproductasanextensionofhimself.”GregCalhoun,whobecameclosetoJobsrightaftercollege,sawanothereffect.“Stevetalkedtomealotaboutbeingabandonedandthepainthatcaused,”hesaid.“Itmadehimindependent.Hefollowedthebeatofadifferentdrummer,andthatcamefrombeinginadifferentworldthanhewasborninto.”Laterinlife,whenhewasthesameagehisbiologicalfatherhadbeenwhenheabandonedhim,Jobswouldfatherandabandonachildofhisown.(Heeventuallytookresponsibilityforher.)ChrisannBrennan,themotherofthatchild,saidthatbeingputupforadoptionleftJobs“fullofbrokenglass,”andithelpstoexplainsomeofhisbehavior.“Hewhoisabandonedisanabandoner,”shesaid.AndyHertzfeld,whoworkedwithJobsatAppleintheearly1980s,isamongthefewwhoremainedclosetobothBrennanandJobs.“ThekeyquestionaboutSteveiswhyhecan’tcontrolhimselfattimesfrombeingsoreflexivelycruelandharmfultosomepeople,”hesaid.“Thatgoesbacktobeingabandonedatbirth.TherealunderlyingproblemwasthethemeofabandonmentinSteve’slife.”Jobsdismissedthis.“There’ssomenotionthatbecauseIwasabandoned,IworkedveryhardsoIcoulddowellandmakemyparentswishtheyhadmeback,orsomesuchnonsense,butthat’sridiculous,”heinsisted.“KnowingIwasadoptedmayhavemademefeelmoreindependent,butIhaveneverfeltabandoned.I’vealwaysfeltspecial.Myparentsmademefeelspecial.”HewouldlaterbristlewheneveranyonereferredtoPaulandClaraJobsashis“adoptive”parentsorimpliedthattheywerenothis“real”parents.“Theyweremyparents1,000%,”hesaid.Whenspeakingabouthisbiologicalparents,ontheotherhand,hewascurt:“Theyweremyspermandeggbank.That’snotharsh,it’sjustthewayitwas,aspermbankthing,nothingmore.”SiliconValleyThechildhoodthatPaulandClaraJobscreatedfortheirnewsonwas,inmanyways,astereotypeofthelate1950s.WhenStevewastwotheyadoptedagirltheynamedPatty,andthreeyearslatertheymovedtoatracthouseinthesuburbs.ThefinancecompanywherePaulworkedasarepoman,CIT,hadtransferredhimdowntoitsPaloAltooffice,buthecouldnotaffordtolivethere,sotheylandedinasubdivisioninMountainView,alessexpensivetownjusttothesouth.TherePaultriedtopassalonghisloveofmechanicsandcars.“Steve,thisisyourworkbenchnow,”hesaidashemarkedoffasectionofthetableintheirgarage.Jobsrememberedbeingimpressedbyhisfather’sfocusoncraftsmanship.“Ithoughtmydad’ssenseofdesignwasprettygood,”hesaid,“becauseheknewhowtobuildanything.Ifweneededacabinet,hewouldbuildit.Whenhebuiltourfence,hegavemeahammersoIcouldworkwithhim.”FiftyyearslaterthefencestillsurroundsthebackandsideyardsofthehouseinMountainView.AsJobsshoweditofftome,hecaressedthestockadepanelsandrecalledalessonthathisfatherimplanteddeeplyinhim.Itwasimportant,hisfathersaid,tocraftthebacksofcabinetsandfencesproperly,eventhoughtheywerehidden.“Heloveddoingthingsright.Heevencaredaboutthelookofthepartsyoucouldn’tsee.”Hisfathercontinuedtorefurbishandresellusedcars,andhefestoonedthegaragewithpicturesofhisfavorites.Hewouldpointoutthedetailingofthedesigntohisson:thelines,thevents,thechrome,thetrimoftheseats.Afterworkeachday,hewouldchangeintohisdungareesandretreattothegarage,oftenwithStevetaggingalong.“IfiguredIcouldgethimnaileddownwithalittlemechanicalability,buthereallywasn’tinterestedingettinghishandsdirty,”Paullaterrecalled.“Heneverreallycaredtoomuchaboutmechanicalthings.”“Iwasn’tthatintofixingcars,”Jobsadmitted.“ButIwaseagertohangoutwithmydad.”Evenashewasgrowingmoreawarethathehadbeenadopted,hewasbecomingmoreattachedtohisfather.Onedaywhenhewasabouteight,hediscoveredaphotographofhisfatherfromhistimeintheCoastGuard.“He’sintheengineroom,andhe’sgothisshirtoffandlookslikeJamesDean.ItwasoneofthoseOhwowmomentsforakid.Wow,oooh,myparentswereactuallyonceveryyoungandreallygood-looking.”Throughcars,hisfathergaveStevehisfirstexposuretoelectronics.“Mydaddidnothaveadeepunderstandingofelectronics,buthe’dencountereditalotinautomobilesandotherthingshewouldfix.Heshowedmetherudimentsofelectronics,andIgotveryinterestedinthat.”Evenmoreinterestingwerethetripstoscavengeforparts.“Everyweekend,there’dbeajunkyardtrip.We’dbelookingforagenerator,acarburetor,allsortsofcomponents.”Herememberedwatchinghisfathernegotiateatthecounter.“Hewasagoodbargainer,becauseheknewbetterthantheguysatthecounterwhatthepartsshouldcost.”Thishelpedfulfillthepledgehisparentsmadewhenhewasadopted.“Mycollegefundcamefrommydadpaying$50foraFordFalconorsomeotherbeat-upcarthatdidn’trun,workingonitforafewweeks,andsellingitfor$250—andnottellingtheIRS.”TheJobses’houseandtheothersintheirneighborhoodwerebuiltbytherealestatedeveloperJosephEichler,whosecompanyspawnedmorethaneleventhousandhomesinvariousCaliforniasubdivisionsbetween1950and1974.InspiredbyFrankLloydWright’svisionofsimplemodernhomesfortheAmerican“everyman,”Eichlerbuiltinexpensivehousesthatfeaturedfloor-to-ceilingglasswalls,openfloorplans,exposedpost-and-beamconstruction,concreteslabfloors,andlotsofslidingglassdoors.“Eichlerdidagreatthing,”Jobssaidononeofourwalksaroundtheneighborhood.“Hishousesweresmartandcheapandgood.Theybroughtcleandesignandsimpletastetolower-incomepeople.Theyhadawesomelittlefeatures,likeradiantheatinginthefloors.Youputcarpetonthem,andwehadnicetoastyfloorswhenwewerekids.”JobssaidthathisappreciationforEichlerhomesinstilledinhimapassionformakingnicelydesignedproductsforthemassmarket.“Iloveitwhenyoucanbringreallygreatdesignandsimplecapabilitytosomethingthatdoesn’tcostmuch,”hesaidashepointedoutthecleaneleganceofthehouses.“ItwastheoriginalvisionforApple.That’swhatwetriedtodowiththefirstMac.That’swhatwedidwiththeiPod.”AcrossthestreetfromtheJobsfamilylivedamanwhohadbecomesuccessfulasarealestateagent.“Hewasn’tthatbright,”Jobsrecalled,“butheseemedtobemakingafortune.Somydadthought,‘Icandothat.’Heworkedsohard,Iremember.Hetookthesenightclasses,passedthelicensetest,andgotintorealestate.Thenthebottomfelloutofthemarket.”Asaresult,thefamilyfounditselffinanciallystrappedforayearorsowhileStevewasinelementaryschool.HismothertookajobasabookkeeperforVarianAssociates,acompanythatmadescientificinstruments,andtheytookoutasecondmortgage.Onedayhisfourth-gradeteacheraskedhim,“Whatisityoudon’tunderstandabouttheuniverse?”Jobsreplied,“Idon’tunderstandwhyallofasuddenmydadissobroke.”Hewasproudthathisfatherneveradoptedaservileattitudeorslickstylethatmayhavemadehimabettersalesman.“Youhadtosuckuptopeopletosellrealestate,andhewasn’tgoodatthatanditwasn’tinhisnature.Iadmiredhimforthat.”PaulJobswentbacktobeingamechanic.Hisfatherwascalmandgentle,traitsthathissonlaterpraisedmorethanemulated.Hewasalsoresolute.Jobsdescribedoneexample:NearbywasanengineerwhowasworkingatWestinghouse.Hewasasingleguy,beatniktype.Hehadagirlfriend.Shewouldbabysitmesometimes.Bothmyparentsworked,soIwouldcomehererightafterschoolforacoupleofhours.Hewouldgetdrunkandhitheracoupleoftimes.Shecameoveronenight,scaredoutofherwits,andhecameoverdrunk,andmydadstoodhimdown—saying“She’shere,butyou’renotcomingin.”Hestoodrightthere.Weliketothinkeverythingwasidyllicinthe1950s,butthisguywasoneofthoseengineerswhohadmessed-uplives.Whatmadetheneighborhooddifferentfromthethousandsofotherspindly-treesubdivisionsacrossAmericawasthateventhene’er-do-wellstendedtobeengineers.“Whenwemovedhere,therewereapricotandplumorchardsonallofthesecorners,”Jobsrecalled.“Butitwasbeginningtoboombecauseofmilitaryinvestment.”Hesoakedupthehistoryofthevalleyanddevelopedayearningtoplayhisownrole.EdwinLandofPolaroidlatertoldhimaboutbeingaskedbyEisenhowertohelpbuildtheU-2spyplanecamerastoseehowrealtheSovietthreatwas.ThefilmwasdroppedincanistersandreturnedtotheNASAAmesResearchCenterinSunnyvale,notfarfromwhereJobslived.“ThefirstcomputerterminalIeversawwaswhenmydadbroughtmetotheAmesCenter,”hesaid.“Ifelltotallyinlovewithit.”Otherdefensecontractorssproutednearbyduringthe1950s.TheLockheedMissilesandSpaceDivision,whichbuiltsubmarine-launchedballisticmissiles,wasfoundedin1956nexttotheNASACenter;bythetimeJobsmovedtotheareafouryearslater,itemployedtwentythousandpeople.Afewhundredyardsaway,Westinghousebuiltfacilitiesthatproducedtubesandelectricaltransformersforthemissilesystems.“Youhadallthesemilitarycompaniesonthecuttingedge,”herecalled.“Itwasmysteriousandhigh-techandmadelivinghereveryexciting.”Inthewakeofthedefenseindustriestherearoseaboomingeconomybasedontechnology.Itsrootsstretchedbackto1938,whenDavidPackardandhisnewwifemovedintoahouseinPaloAltothathadashedwherehisfriendBillHewlettwassoonensconced.Thehousehadagarage—anappendagethatwouldprovebothusefulandiconicinthevalley—inwhichtheytinkeredarounduntiltheyhadtheirfirstproduct,anaudiooscillator.Bythe1950s,Hewlett-Packardwasafast-growingcompanymakingtechnicalinstruments.Fortunatelytherewasaplacenearbyforentrepreneurswhohadoutgrowntheirgarages.Inamovethatwouldhelptransformtheareaintothecradleofthetechrevolution,StanfordUniversity’sdeanofengineering,FrederickTerman,createdaseven-hundred-acreindustrialparkonuniversitylandforprivatecompaniesthatcouldcommercializetheideasofhisstudents.ItsfirsttenantwasVarianAssociates,whereClaraJobsworked.“Termancameupwiththisgreatideathatdidmorethananythingtocausethetechindustrytogrowuphere,”Jobssaid.BythetimeJobswasten,HPhadninethousandemployeesandwastheblue-chipcompanywhereeveryengineerseekingfinancialstabilitywantedtowork.Themostimportanttechnologyfortheregion’sgrowthwas,ofcourse,thesemiconductor.WilliamShockley,whohadbeenoneoftheinventorsofthetransistoratBellLabsinNewJersey,movedouttoMountainViewand,in1956,startedacompanytobuildtransistorsusingsiliconratherthanthemoreexpensivegermaniumthatwasthencommonlyused.ButShockleybecameincreasinglyerraticandabandonedhissilicontransistorproject,whichledeightofhisengineers—mostnotablyRobertNoyceandGordonMoore—tobreakawaytoformFairchildSemiconductor.Thatcompanygrewtotwelvethousandemployees,butitfragmentedin1968,whenNoycelostapowerstruggletobecomeCEO.HetookGordonMooreandfoundedacompanythattheycalledIntegratedElectronicsCorporation,whichtheysoonsmartlyabbreviatedtoIntel.TheirthirdemployeewasAndrewGrove,wholaterwouldgrowthecompanybyshiftingitsfocusfrommemorychipstomicroprocessors.Withinafewyearstherewouldbemorethanfiftycompaniesintheareamakingsemiconductors.TheexponentialgrowthofthisindustrywascorrelatedwiththephenomenonfamouslydiscoveredbyMoore,whoin1965drewagraphofthespeedofintegratedcircuits,basedonthenumberoftransistorsthatcouldbeplacedonachip,andshowedthatitdoubledabouteverytwoyears,atrajectorythatcouldbeexpectedtocontinue.Thiswasreaffirmedin1971,whenIntelwasabletoetchacompletecentralprocessingunitontoonechip,theIntel4004,whichwasdubbeda“microprocessor.”Moore’sLawhasheldgenerallytruetothisday,anditsreliableprojectionofperformancetopriceallowedtwogenerationsofyoungentrepreneurs,includingSteveJobsandBillGates,tocreatecostprojectionsfortheirforward-leaningproducts.ThechipindustrygavetheregionanewnamewhenDonHoefler,acolumnistfortheweeklytradepaperElectronicNews,beganaseriesinJanuary1971entitled“SiliconValleyUSA.”Theforty-mileSantaClaraValley,whichstretchesfromSouthSanFranciscothroughPaloAltotoSanJose,hasasitscommercialbackboneElCaminoReal,theroyalroadthatonceconnectedCalifornia’stwenty-onemissionchurchesandisnowabustlingavenuethatconnectscompaniesandstartupsaccountingforathirdoftheventurecapitalinvestmentintheUnitedStateseachyear.“Growingup,Igotinspiredbythehistoryoftheplace,”Jobssaid.“Thatmademewanttobeapartofit.”Likemostkids,hebecameinfusedwiththepassionsofthegrown-upsaroundhim.“Mostofthedadsintheneighborhooddidreallyneatstuff,likephotovoltaicsandbatteriesandradar,”Jobsrecalled.“Igrewupinaweofthatstuffandaskingpeopleaboutit.”Themostimportantoftheseneighbors,LarryLang,livedsevendoorsaway.“HewasmymodelofwhatanHPengineerwassupposedtobe:abighamradiooperator,hard-coreelectronicsguy,”Jobsrecalled.“Hewouldbringmestufftoplaywith.”AswewalkeduptoLang’soldhouse,Jobspointedtothedriveway.“Hetookacarbonmicrophoneandabatteryandaspeaker,andheputitonthisdriveway.Hehadmetalkintothecarbonmikeanditamplifiedoutofthespeaker.”Jobshadbeentaughtbyhisfatherthatmicrophonesalwaysrequiredanelectronicamplifier.“SoIracedhome,andItoldmydadthathewaswrong.”“No,itneedsanamplifier,”hisfatherassuredhim.WhenSteveprotestedotherwise,hisfathersaidhewascrazy.“Itcan’tworkwithoutanamplifier.There’ssometrick.”“Ikeptsayingnotomydad,tellinghimhehadtoseeit,andfinallyheactuallywalkeddownwithmeandsawit.Andhesaid,‘WellI’llbeabatoutofhell.’”Jobsrecalledtheincidentvividlybecauseitwashisfirstrealizationthathisfatherdidnotknoweverything.Thenamoredisconcertingdiscoverybegantodawnonhim:Hewassmarterthanhisparents.Hehadalwaysadmiredhisfather’scompetenceandsavvy.“Hewasnotaneducatedman,butIhadalwaysthoughthewasprettydamnsmart.Hedidn’treadmuch,buthecoulddoalot.Almosteverythingmechanical,hecouldfigureitout.”Yetthecarbonmicrophoneincident,Jobssaid,beganajarringprocessofrealizingthathewasinfactmorecleverandquickthanhisparents.“Itwasaverybigmomentthat’sburnedintomymind.WhenIrealizedthatIwassmarterthanmyparents,Ifelttremendousshameforhavingthoughtthat.Iwillneverforgetthatmoment.”Thisdiscovery,helatertoldfriends,alongwiththefactthathewasadopted,madehimfeelapart—detachedandseparate—frombothhisfamilyandtheworld.Anotherlayerofawarenessoccurredsoonafter.Notonlydidhediscoverthathewasbrighterthanhisparents,buthediscoveredthattheyknewthis.PaulandClaraJobswerelovingparents,andtheywerewillingtoadapttheirlivestosuitasonwhowasverysmart—andalsowillful.Theywouldgotogreatlengthstoaccommodatehim.AndsoonStevediscoveredthisfactaswell.“Bothmyparentsgotme.TheyfeltalotofresponsibilityoncetheysensedthatIwasspecial.Theyfoundwaystokeepfeedingmestuffandputtingmeinbetterschools.Theywerewillingtodefertomyneeds.”Sohegrewupnotonlywithasenseofhavingoncebeenabandoned,butalsowithasensethathewasspecial.Inhisownmind,thatwasmoreimportantintheformationofhispersonality.SchoolEvenbeforeJobsstartedelementaryschool,hismotherhadtaughthimhowtoread.This,however,ledtosomeproblemsoncehegottoschool.“Iwaskindofboredforthefirstfewyears

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一个家庭最大的悲哀，不是贫穷，不是争吵，而是养不出懂得感恩的孩子。

贫穷可以靠努力去改变，争吵可以由冷静来缓解，而不懂感恩的孩子，永远学不会孝顺，也无法过好这一生。

不懂感恩的孩子，就是披着人皮的狼。

他们肆无忌惮的索取，终将“喝光”父母的“血”，让整个家族衰败，再无兴旺之日。

01

不懂感恩的孩子，再优秀也没用

英国有一句谚语：“感恩是美德中最微小的，忘恩负义是品行中最不好的。”

感恩是做人的根本，不懂感恩的孩子，再优秀也没用。

南京老王花几百万让儿子出国留学，结果儿子回国后在家啃老。

老王气不过，把买给儿子的车卖了，最后，父子俩大打出手，儿子还说要砍死父亲。

不懂感恩的孩子，早已把父母的付出诠释成理所应当，只顾着自己的利益，忽视父母的艰辛，同时，也丧失了良知。

这样的孩子，学历再高，又有何用？

泰国有一则公益短片轰动了朋友圈：

一小学老师有一个患有老年痴呆的母亲，每天他都会带着母亲去上课，让她坐在教室的最后一排。

可是，学生们上课开始分神，时不时往后看看他的母亲，这让学生们的家长意见颇大。

后来，家长们意外地发现老师对母亲尽孝，在潜移默化中影响了自己的孩子，让他们学会了体谅与感恩。

孩子的成绩固然重要，但这世上还有很多比成绩更重要的东西，正影响着孩子的一生。

成绩在感恩面前，根本不值一提。【微信公号：树儿微刊】

02

被溺爱的孩子，都不懂得感恩

孩子不懂感恩，与父母的溺爱息息相关。

父母过度的爱，对孩子而言是慢性毒药，于孩子成年后毒性加剧，终将害了他的一生。

孩子在家庭中享受着特殊的待遇，被宠成“小公主、小皇帝”，习惯了高人一等的姿态，自然不会有换位思考之心，久而久之，就变得目中无人、自私自利。

他们想要什么就能轻而易举地得到，必然不懂得珍惜所拥有的一切，当肆意挥霍成了他们习惯，金山银山终成一洗如贫。

正所谓“由俭入奢易，由奢入俭难”，从小的奢华生活会扼杀了他们吃苦耐劳的能力，他们会因此变得好吃懒做，难以自立自强。

成年之后就成了名符其实的“啃老族”，迟早会榨干父母的血汗钱。

当父母稍微违背他们的意愿时，他们便恼怒无比，视父母如仇人一般，拳脚相向。

莎士比亚说：“不知感恩的子女，比毒蛇的利齿更能噬痛人心。”

被溺爱的孩子，眼里只有利益，把父母当成了提款机，永远也学不会感恩。

03

家庭最大的成就

是养出懂得感恩的孩子

不是每滴水都能换来涌泉相报，不是每个孩子都能报答父母之恩。

一个家庭最大的成就，莫过于养出一个懂得感恩的孩子。

《少年说》中有一期，看哭无数人：

一名高一的学生方裕如在节目中说，父亲为了让她能接受更好的教育，所以放弃了在老家的生活，陪她到大城市一起“打拼”，不管多晚都会陪她练琴练声。

但因为父亲工作的原因，导致从未看过自己一场演出，所以借此机会，唱一首《父亲》，以表感恩之心。

懂得感恩的孩子，即使不站在舞台上，也能格外闪耀。

有人说：“感恩是一种处世哲学，是生活中的大智慧。”

深以为然。

人生不可能一帆风顺，在面对人生路上的挫折时，心怀感恩便不会埋怨周围的一切，心中有感恩的光，便能照亮更远的地方。

养出懂得感恩的孩子，就等于赋予了他战胜世间一切险阻的能力。

让他因感恩而知足，因知足而快乐，轻而易举收获幸福人生。

04

王符说：“生活需要一颗感恩的心来创造，一颗感恩的心需要生活来滋养。”

为人父母，别养出不懂得感恩的孩子，让他成为一个家庭最大的悲哀。

淡看世事去如烟，铭记恩情存如血。

孩子懂感恩，才能拥有有血有肉的人生。

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